thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
