do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
