bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My butt remains clenched, sir.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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