Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You are the jesus of drinking
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
