her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
