you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Randomize
