Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
