u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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