Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
