the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
