M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
