you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You need a sexual gate keeper
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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