It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize