...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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