just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
