dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize