More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
In America we eat man semen.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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