so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
