i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
