At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
