Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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