fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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