Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
