I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
