I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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