I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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