I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
false alarm, still single
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
