We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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