The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
