He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
