somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
