The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
