Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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