can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I did not marry a roomba.
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