her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize