I looked at my own cervix.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So vagazzling was a success
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
