Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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