He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
