i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
