even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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