are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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