I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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