i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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