Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
