If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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