i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize