weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
