i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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