i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
