Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
