I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
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