and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize