3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
