You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
