Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
