wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
