"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just want nice things and good sex
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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