Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
