i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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