I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
