It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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