I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
