Where did you get a picture of my penis
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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