I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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